Living With Intention

A couple weeks ago I felt God give me a little nudge and a thought for a potential name change for my social media identity. I guess what I have now is too boring? ;) 

I feel there have been so many changes that I've made in my personal growth in these last few months, that maybe it is time for a name change. 

6 1/2 years ago I became a mother and thought I would be able to remember all of the memories we created. Fast forward to now and I can't even remember last week. I remember the big things, but not the little things that make up our days. Those little things is what makes up my life. 

The new words that the twins have learned how to read. How M got over her fear of riding her bike, how C is saying a new word everyday. How T taught herself how to shoot hoops. I want to remember them. This is now. 

Staying home and raising 3 kids all while homeschooling is no easy feat. God doesn't give twins to be parented by the fainthearted, much less homeschool them--together. While I'm not a single parent, I'm still the one doing 80% of the parenting around here, since I'm the one with them 24/7. It just comes with the territory. I'm totally okay with that, because this is what I've been led to do...but somedays we are in the trenches. Deep. I'm not going to hide it. What's the point? Why would I want to give the perception life is peachy keen and my house is always perfect? Uh. Not hardly. 

We still have days where I count it a success that all three kids are still alive when I shut their door at night. Can I get an Amen? 

There is more to this everyday life than just making it through the day-and sometimes trenches. There is purpose. There is purpose in the good, bad, and the ugly. There is purpose in the trenches. There is a bigger picture. There is growth to be had. 

I want to live my days with intention. I want to go to bed at night and know that even in the midst of the good, and the bad days, I did my best. I have been called to do extraordinary things. I want to be intentional with what God has given me, and I want to remember the moments. All of them. 

I want to spend my days more focused on my daughters' hearts than whether or not the dishes are put away. I want to feed their interests, and their self esteem. I want to grow with them. Everyday we have the opportunity to grow and change. I don't want to stay the same. I want to be an intentional mother. Focus on the now, today. This is it. 

This is a process. I can't just make it happen overnight. I wish I could, but that's not the way life works. I know we're still going to have good and bad days because that's life, and it's a beautiful messy life that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

I decided that I needed to document my days so I can reflect back upon them later. 

I ordered this cute little Mom's One Line A Day memory book from amazon. I can jot down a quick line before bed about the most memorable and most important moment of the day. I really like that it doesn't need to be much. Short and sweet, just how I like it. 

The next two things are a planner and a journal. My intentions for the planner is to write down the scripture I read that day that spoke to me the most. It's already dated, so I will be more eager to pick it up and write a quick note. The journal is just for anything else I need to write about. I'm TERRIBLE at journaling, but I have hopes that these two tools will help me to stay on course. 

Back to the name change idea....

I've been a little skeptical of the name that was put in my head. I wasn't sure it made a lot of sense. I've thought a lot about it these last couple weeks, and the more I think about it, the more I think it seems fitting at this point in my life. 

          Intentional Erica 

Give me some feedback....what do you think? 

I would also really love to know if you journal and what you use. Anything specific to make it more fun? 

Until next time..XO 

Erica 

A Little Love and Logic Testing

It's been a little rough here on the home front today. Those who have preconceived notions that a stay at home mom has it easy, or doesn't do anything all day, is completely and utterly wrong. This is by far the hardest job I've ever done.

I'm playing a huge factor in how these little humans will be in years to come, and sometimes I make huge mistakes. Huge. At least that's how they feel to me. You know, when you lay in bed at night while your husband is snoring next to you, and you don't understand how he can fall asleep in the blink of an eye, and you're laying there thinking about all the things you did wrong that day, or didn't do for that matter. 

No? 

Anyways, this isn't a pity party. This is just the truth for me. 

Today started out hard. Like, can I take a nap already and it's only 9:30am?- type of morning. 

I had to do some disciplining to a certain child, and that didn't turn out to well. Fast forward, maybe, 2 1/2 hours. 

The twins were in their room and they started arguing over whose jewelry box was whose. You know, important things. 

Taylor got upset because she said Mackenzie had hers, and I told her that she didn't. So this started in to her crying, again, because she didn't like that one.  I was starting to get annoyed by the crying, again. How much can one child cry in one day? Sheesh. 

I was sitting there trying to be rational with her and there came the attitude. 

Then it hit me! Love & Logic! I had been reading the book just yesterday and read some really good stuff. So I decided to give it a try right then. 

I followed Taylor to the hallway, where she proceeded with her crying fit. I said, "Oh Taylor, you really drain my energy when you act this way.  How are you going to put it back?" She said, "I don't know." through her tears.

I gave her some choices. She chose to vacuum. Score for mommy! I helped her get started. She was really happy to do the vacuuming for me. She vacuumed for awhile and said, "I'm done." I told her, "oh, my energy isn't quite back just yet, maybe you should do this rug too. That will help." 

Now this totally felt like manipulation to me, but I did exactly like the book said  to do. After a little bit longer and she had completed the task, I told her, "Oh Taylor, all my energy is back now! You did such a good job, thank you!" She had the biggest smile on her face and we hugged and that was that. 

Now I wasn't really sure if this "energy drain technique" really worked or not, since she seemed so happy to do the vacuuming for me. 

A little while later, after many many times of me asking her to make her bed, she still wasn't doing it. I then said, "Oh Taylor, your draining my energy." She immediately gasped, and ran to make her bed! I couldn't believe it!! 

I didn't have to raise my voice, or give her "the look", nothing. She's been her normal sweet little self since then! Shocking. Really it is. This may not be something that works every time, but you better believe I'm going to keep trying it. 

Not only did it actually stick with her for longer than 2 minutes. She enjoyed it, and I didn't have to get angry, or ask 7 times, which is what really makes me angry. 

So do I still feel like it was maybe a little manipulating going on? I'm not really sure. Was it better than a spanking? Oh yeah, definitely. 

Has anyone else tried this Love & Logic? If so, please share with me in the comments! I would love to hear what you have tried. 

I'm Not "Super Mom"

The twins are laughing and playing.

The baby is crying for me to rock her because she just can't stay asleep.

The kitchen needs to be cleaned, yet again.

There is laundry to be put away.

Laundry to be washed.

Toys on the floor.

Messy bedrooms.

Plants to be planted.

The floor needs vacuumed.

It's hard to not feel overwhelmed being a stay at home mom. Always something to do, something to clean, an argument to break up.

I find the only way to make it through is to allow myself grace.

Do I like feeling this way? No. Will there always be this much to do? Yes. Is it the end of the world? No.

This is only a season of life. Before I know it, my daughters will be grown, and I don't want to think back and ask myself, "did I care enough about the hearts and desires of my children, or did I focus more on the work they brought me?"

I have to allow myself grace, everyday! I'm not super mom. I'm not perfect, and neither is my home.

I have to stop and ask myself, what would I rather have, and what does God want me to have? Happy children, who are free to grow, have fun, laugh, love, and realize we don't have to be "perfect" in this life? Or a perfect home with children who don't feel free to explore and can't be themselves?

I do like order in my home and I do expect my children to contribute and pick up after themselves, but I also have to remind myself that they are only 4, not 9. It's my job to teach and train them.

We are not perfect humans, and we aren't supposed to be, so I'm not going to teach my children that they need to strive to be perfect. We are born sinners. It's that simple.

Who do I need to impress? No one. Jesus sees past my imperfections and my not so perfect home.

I'm thankful for His grace and love. He knows I'm not super mom, and He doesn't expect me to be. My children don't care either. All they want is a happy mommy, who loves them. They would much rather I sit and cuddle with them than my bed being made.

I'm reminding myself today to enjoy this season in my life. Even on the hard, messy days. I don't need to be "super mom."

What about you?

These are the days of my life

It's 2pm, I'm rocking Carly, trying to get her asleep. The 4 year olds came back a few minutes earlier to ask me something. After they made all sorts of ruckus and dropped what was in their hands, I finally got them leave. On her way Taylor whispers, loudly, 'mama!  her eyes are open!'

Ummm....ya think?!!

These are the days of my life.

Then a few minutes later, I hear them in the bathroom with the water running. I put the sleeping baby down, go to inspect what's going on. What do I find? Them washing the sand covered Barbie swimming pool off in the sink. M is wearing her new white high heels, that are now covered in mud.

Why are some moments so hard? Why do they always need to talk to me when I'm rocking the baby?

I will wait for the mud to dry and then she can help clean them off.

My husband calls, I share about the chaos, I take care of Taylor's boo boo. I go change a load of laundry. I do a quick sweep of the basement, and I start a movie for the girls.

As I come up the stairs, I hear the baby awake. She needs her mama again.

What does mama need? A minute to be Erica. A minute to not have someone who needs me, or something that needs to be done. I'm pretty sure I'm dreaming on this.

I love being a mom. I love my children more than life itself. I'm still just trying to figure this all out.

Things are getting a little better everyday though. Carly is sleeping more at night. I still don't get as much done during the day as I want or feel I need too.

She was 5 weeks old yesterday. It's already going to quickly. I knew it would. I knew what to expect this time.

I've got to not be so hard on myself. The messes and dishes have just got to wait. I'm not supermom. I'm just trying to make it through the day. One minute at a time..

This is the current state of my home, or kitchen I should say. Maybe the baby will sleep long enough I can tackle it?

The big girls are done with the movie already...here we go again.

Today I asked for help..

At 30 weeks of pregnancy, I caved and asked a friend to come help me clean. I can't ask for help for all the things I need right now, but I can ask for this.

I have really great days where I get a lot done, and then my feet start to swell so I must get off them and put them up.

I don't like asking for help, but I'm so exhausted, physically but more mentally, that I realized it is ok to ask for help. It doesn't make me weak..

Today was a busy day. I put away 12 loads of laundry. 12 loads. Totally crazy. The girls stayed pretty busy in their playroom, which was nice, but it was still a pretty typical day for them. It seems they have a hearing problem.

I think it's called being a 4 year old? Anyone ever heard of that?

It's not a lot of fun. It's why I'm so mentally drained at the end of the day. I know this is just a stage in our life, but its really really hard on my husband and I right now.

Oh how we need some help through this! I love my daughters oh so very much, but I don't love the disobedience and blatant ignoring that they do sometimes.

Getting them to get ready so we can leave in the mornings, and bathtime are the worst and hardest parts of the day. We have decided that they will start bathing separately, and there won't be any bath toys allowed. They like to play too much and completely ignore everything we say...so this is our resolution. Hope it works!

Now if I could think of a way to get them to listen so we can get out the door easier....must come up with something before baby #3 gets here! I have no idea where to begin with this one.

My children are really great. They are very well behaved and very loving, they are just testing mommy and daddy. We just have to figure out how to deal with this appropriately. Our initial reaction is to get frustrated and angry which leads to one of us yelling, which is not what we want.

Today I asked for help...with the only thing I really can. I can have someone help me clean my house, but that's it. I can ask for advice or suggestions on the rest, but I know we are the only ones who can figure out how to make our family life run a little smoother. It sure doesn't make it any easier though!

Let's Stop Being Judgmental

The other day I read a status on Facebook. One of the commenters replied that if someone complains about their kids, she doesn't even want to be their friend. Really?! I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

I really couldn't believe that someone is actually that judgmental.

We are mothers. We aren't perfect in any way shape or form. We ALL have bad days. I'm sure we all have had days where we go to bed thinking we are the worst mother in the world or where we want to cry right along with our child. I have. It's called life.

We are all growing and learning, trying to figure out which direction it is that the Lord is wanting us to go. Are we not allowed to talk about it, or vent about our trials that we are experiencing at the moment? If we do will it end up in a case of someone not wanting to be our friend?

What we should do is reach out to that person. We should try to encourage them. Build them up, because I can almost guarantee that they have already knocked themselves down so far that they don't need your judgement. They need to know that they're not alone in this thing called parenting. They need a friend.

It's hard being a mom. I would much rather have someone to talk to that is real and honest, than one who acts like they have everything put together. No one has parenting perfected. Why do you think there are so many parenting books on the market? Those parents have struggled too, and they want to share what they feel "worked" for them. They aren't ashamed or embarrassed to talk about their struggles. Why should we be? They wrote the books to try to help others through.


I do not have anything figured out. I get up everyday not knowing what may happen. I pray for a good day, patience, kindness, and most of all to love and enjoy my children. They are a blessing, even at the moments that I don't feel so blessed.

If God can give us mercy and grace, don't you think we should be able to bestow that upon others? Let's stop being so judgmental to other mothers. Let's reach out and be a support for them. Be that sounding block, that shoulder for them to lean on, and most importantly that friend that we all need.

Needing Some Fellow Mama Encouragement

I'm going to be honest. I haven't felt like myself these last few days. I'm not sure if its the pregnancy or what exactly. I have lots of reasons to be happy, so why am I so irritable?

I have ups and downs all day. Everything is great, then there is bickering. Oh the bickering. And let's not forget repeating myself 16.724 times. Then my very involved 4 year olds want to help me do everything in the kitchen. This would be so wonderful if there wasn't the bickering, and the arguing over who gets to do what and when. And what really sends me over the edge is how one daughter in particular likes to move me out of the way-while I'm mixing or cooking something- because she can't see.

What is wrong with me? I normally find joy in them 97.8% of the time. It's not that I haven't the last few days, it just feels that my irritation has taken over. Sometimes I just want to sit down, alone. You know without having two kids crawl and argue over who gets to sit on which side of my pregnant self.

I know it must sound like all they do is bicker, and I'm sure that my emotional self is blowing it out of proportion. I know its my mood and attitude that's the problem, not them. They're children afterall.

I'm thankful for the Lord's mercy and grace, without it, I'd for sure feel like a failure all the time.

My poor kids. They always get the raw end of the deal. They're good kids, they really are. Like I said before, I know its just me, because they haven't been the only ones that have sent me deep breathing!

Someone please tell me I'm not alone. I've got to get out of this funk. I don't like it one bit. I feel horrible! I don't remember feeling this way when pregnant with the girls...but I also didn't have any other children..

Please forgive me for my complaining ramble. If you have any encouragement, could you please leave it in the comments? If nothing else, could you just say a prayer for me? This has had me so emotional.

Why we have chosen to homeschool

I always get asked, "are your girls in preschool yet?" I reply, "well..not exactly yet. We are going to homeschool." The response I always get is, "oh. I couldn't do that."

I never thought I would do such a thing either, but when the girls were about two months old, the Lord told me that's what I would be doing, and it's still the plan 4 years later.

Why, you ask?

The following is just me sharing my feelings. It is in no way to be judgemental, or to make anyone feel like the choices they have made are wrong. These are just simply our choices and I have chosen to share them with with you.

After the girls were born, my husband and I had a some personal marriage issues. The Lord really pressed it upon my heart that the direction he wanted us to go was to homeschool the girls. I have to admit, the thought is a bit terrifying, but I know that if this is what the Lord wants me to do, He will see me through.

Once I felt the Lord tell me this, I started reading more in my Bible. Yes, yes this is truly what He wants for my children!

Deuteronomy 6

⁴ Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.^[a] 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.



Deuteronomy 7
^6 
4 for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.

Proverbs 22

Train^[a] a child in the way he should go,
    and when he is old he will not turn from it.

These are just a few scriptures that speak to me. How can I follow these instructions if I'm sending my children away from me? They would be spending more time with a perfect stranger, and very influential children, than they would with me. I just wasn't happy with this thought. 

These are my perfectly innocent children. I cannot send them to a place where I have no control over what they are taught, what they are exposed to, what other children are teaching them. They are very impressionable, and it's my job to make sure they are learning what God wants them to learn. 

Today in schools, God is not allowed. Sex is talked about on the playground in the first grade. What? Sex? First grade? Yes people, it is! I didn't even know what sex was at that age. Some of you may be thinking, "you can't keep your children in a bubble, or away from the 'real world'."  You are correct, and I can't do that, but what I can do, is do my best to protect them from what I'm able to. I want to preserve their innocence for as long as possible.

I want my children to learn about their Creator, their Savior. I want to train them in the way they should go. I want to make sure I impress upon them the morals and values that God wants them to have. Not ones that they learn from other children, or their teachers. Deuteronomy 7 ⁴ for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you. This could not be more true. 

These children are a gift to my husband and I. My husband is more than supportive of our plans to homeschool. I'm sure many people don't agree with our plans, and that's ok. We don't have to agree. I'm not here to judge anyone on their choices, and I hope no one judges us on ours. This is what we feel we are called to do. 

These are a few comments from a blog I like to read, about why these parents have chosen to homeschool, I couldn't have said it much better myself: 

“To protect their minds from wrong teaching until they are strong enough in their faith to counter it!”

“I could probably write a book with all my reasons! But the biggest is for my kids’ protection (spiritual, emotional and physical). Kids these days are exposed to things children are not prepared to handle, and forced to make choices children should never have to make. Innocence is so no longer valued in our society, so in order to preserve it as parents, the best thing we can do is to shelter and nurture them until they are prepared to handle the “real world.”

“#1 reason so that my son has a place that has no restrictions on being taught about Jesus and to protect his mind spiritually, emotionally. To embrace every single moment of his journey. Having no restrictions on anything he wants to study. Most of all-embracing the lessons that the Lord is using my child to teach me ♥”

I do not have the patience of Job. I certainly am not the prime candidate to homeschool, I am not a teacher, but you know what? I'm certainly up for the challenge, because I have come to realize that it's not about me, it's about my children. They are the most important thing, and I want to do everything  I can to give them the best life possible.

Has the Lord led any of you to homeschool? Please share your thoughts with me! 



For further reading:

Public School is Not a Child’s Ministry
Reasons Why We Homeschool

Attitude..what to do with it?

These last few days have been tough. My two have been giving me a terrible attitude. I'm honestly finding myself at a loss as how to handle this.

I have found myself praying for my behavior versus theirs. I'm praying that I will be patient and calm. Kind and loving. This is definitely a stage. The fact that we're cooped up in the house most of the time from the heat doesn't help either.

I guess the reason I feel compelled to pray for my behavior is because children learn from example. Do my children wear on my last nerve sometimes? Absolutely. I'd be lying if I said no, but I have felt lately that I as their mother need to try my best to set a good example for them. Meaning, stay as patient, kind, and calm as possible when I get their attitude.

I'm not the type of mother who deals with backtalk, attitudes, or disrespect well. I feel that as a parent I shouldn't have to either. It is my job as their mother to teach them how to behave properly. And if you are at the same place as me and see my children acting up, you will probably overhear me asking them if we need to go to the bathroom for a correction. I have to stay consistent with them.

I have had strangers in public tell me I'm doing a great job with my kids. We as mothers need that encouragement, because we all have those days where we ask ourselves if we are doing anything right! I know I sure do.

Won't you join me in praying for our behaviors as mothers, because we too can always use an attitude adjustment?

Being a mom is by far the hardest job I've ever had, but it is the most rewarding, and to me the most important thing I will ever do. I do not have it all figured out, nor do I have any answers. I just try to listen and see what God is convicting me to do, and right now, it's watching my attitude towards my very vulnerable children.