Thank You

 

This was me this morning during worship at church. The tears were running down my face. I was wiping them away with my eyes closed, trying to hide them. 

The baby reaches up and lays a big fat wet kiss on my lips. My eyes open and I smile. I know she wants her pacifier so I reach for it and I give it to her. Then she wants her blankie so she can lay her head down on my shoulder. Once she's settled, I close my eyes and raise my hand to finish worshipping. 

Someone lays their hand on my shoulder and starts speaking life into my ear. She says she seen God through me as I received my kiss and tended to the baby. Giving her just what she needed without her even needing to ask.  Isn't that what God does for us too?

I'm not even sure of everything else she said because the tears just poured out of my eyes. She said "you are doing a great job, you are so beautiful."

I think she was wrong, I seen God through her words. What amazing encouragement for a mama who is just going through the motions. God used her to speak to me.

I want people to see God through me. I don't want to just be another person who is just lukewarm. I want to be on fire. I've spent many years being lukewarm. That's over. God has grabbed ahold of me, and I've let Him. That was a real struggle for me. 

That part of me is over. I find comfort in knowing that I am so far from where I used to be. Those other people who are on fire for God, the ones I want to be like, they had to get there. They didn't just start there. And neither did I. 

So as the tears were flowing during worship and my hand was raised and my eyes were closed, all I could do was say, "Thank You God for not giving up on me." He loves me, and I know that. 

I leave you with the words of a song that has completely impacted me the last week and a half, since I first heard the song. 

A Little Closer by Group 1 Crew

 Play sample

IF YOU OPENED MY HEART
YOU'D SEE I DON'T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER
IF YOU TOOK ME APART
YOU'D SEE THE WORST OF ME WANTS TO GET BETTER
BUT YOU'RE CHANGING ME, PIECE BY PIECE
INTO WHO YOU'RE REALLY CALLIN ME TO BE

CHORUS
THERE'S A BEAUTY AND BEAST INSIDE OF ME
WHO I AM FIGHTING WHO I WANNA BE
BUT THROUGH THE RISE AND FALLS
THE ROLLER COASTER 
I, I, I GET A LITTLE CLOSER
LIKE A CHILD WALKING IN THEIR FATHER'S SHOES
I JUST WANNA LOOK A LITTLE MORE LIKE YOU
EVERYDAY'S ANOTHER STEP FORWARD
I, I GET A LITTLE CLOSER

I, I GET A LITTLE CLOSER (X2) 

LORD, I KNOW THAT IT'S TRUE
YOU'RE GONNA FINISH THIS WORK YOU STARTED
EVEN WHEN I DON'T KNOW AND IT'S MOVING SO SLOW
EVEN WHEN I FEEL NOTHING BUT BROKEN HEARTED
BUT YOU'RE CHANGING ME, PIECE BY PIECE
INTO WHO I KNOW THAT I AM GONNA TO BE 

CHORUS

I, I GET A LITTLE CLOSER (X4) 

ALL MY DAYS
EVERY BREATH I TAKE
WON'T YOU MAKE ME, SHAPE ME, INTO WHO YOU ARE

CHORUS

I, I GET A LITTLE CLOSER (X8) 


Writer(s) MANWELL REYES / JUSTIN EBACH / JEFF PARDO