Recently I have been going through some struggles. I'm sure to some they would seem very petty, but to me they were a huge deal. I won't go into a lot of detail about the issues, but they pertain to my daughters naptime & bedtime habits. Generally, my daughters went to sleep perfectly. These last few months however, they completely changed. They have started to distract one another and they would much rather entertain their Sissy than rest. This would be ok if it were just one day, but no, it turned into everyday. That means no naps, and we're battling them to go to sleep for 2 hours at bedtime. After 3 months of this, it has become incredibly exhausting and has begun to take a toll on me.
It's not just the fact that they have been battling sleep, it's also the fact that during all this I haven't had a minute to myself. I have began to be resentful, and quite honestly, not enjoy motherhood. I'm sure you're thinking, well my goodness, it's not that big of a deal! But to me it is. During this time, I feel I have forgotten to I am. I think, surely I've got to be doing something wrong? I used to be in complete control of my children, but it seems I have lost all control these last few months. I have felt like a crazy woman. I never knew having twins would make me question my sanity!
Yesterday I met this wonderful woman at Mardel's. She has 4 year old twin girls, and we chatted for awhile. I think in the few minutes we talked she encouraged me so much more than anyone or anything these last few months. God knew I needed to hear the things she would tell me and for that I'm so grateful. She made me feel completely normal as a mother. What I have been experiencing, is exactly what every mother feels at some point. If you never feel this way, well kudos to you then! But I can honestly say that this whole ordeal has made me do a lot of thinking. She said things that if I didn't know better, I would have thought it was me talking!
All I have been able to think about since our encounter was how things need to change. I need to change. I am my daughters teacher and I need to let the Lord me my teacher. I bought a couple books that will help me through this challenging time that I seem to be having. Just because I am a mommy and a wife doesn't mean that I'm not ME anymore. If I'd don't give me what I need, how can I give everyone else what they need?
Slowly I will get through my struggles, and through these struggles I have realized it's not all about the sleep issue. Although, that has put a lot of stress on me, but I know they will get back in routine (I'm blaming it all on Winter, hurry up Spring!) There is a lesson to be learned through all our struggles in life. We just have to stop for a minute so we can see what we are supposed to be learning.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Just a few thoughts...
I have had some things on my mind today, and I thought I'd just blog about it so I could get my thoughts in order.
Why is it that we as humans feel the need to compare ourselves to one another? Do we want to make ourselves feel like we aren't good enough? Or that we need to change things about ourselves so we can be more like "that person"?
Today after I had looked at a few blogs that I enjoy reading, I felt the need to apologize to my husband. Why? I told my husband, "I'm really sorry I'm not that good of a homemaker." You know what his reply to me was? "You need to stop looking at those stupid blogs, you're giving yourself a complex. You are perfect. I like you just the way you are."
So why did those nice things he said to me not change the way I felt? I guess because, I'm human. Because I don't feel that I'm perfect and should be better, and be more like all these other people who seem to have it all together. Key word there, SEEM. Maybe they do have it all together, I don't know.
I just know that my husband was right. Why should I allow someone else, and their life to make me feel inferior? I shouldn't, and neither should anyone else. I am not perfect, but my children and my husband love me just the way I am. They do not care if my desk has a thousand papers scattered across it, or if my kitchen cabinets are in perfect order or not. And they simply do not care if I have every minute of everyday scheduled out. Actually, I'm pretty sure they are thankful I don't have every minute assigned to something.
As I was contemplating about all of this earlier, I decided to read my devotional for the day. Much to my amazement the first line of my devotional "The Confident Woman" was; "Celebrate the fact that you are not like everyone else! You are special! You are unique!" How perfect this was for me to read! It was exactly what I needed to hear. She proceeds to say, "Our worth is not found in being different or the same as others, it is found in God."
I am so thankful that I read that today! Do I feel completely better about myself? Not entirely, but it sure is a good start! I just needed the reminder that even God doesn't want me to compare myself to others. I hope that anyone reading this that may feel the same way that I do, feels a little better now. I'm tired of making myself feel so low because I'm not like "that person". What's the point? God, my husband and children, love me just the way I am. So that in itself is all I need! :)
Why is it that we as humans feel the need to compare ourselves to one another? Do we want to make ourselves feel like we aren't good enough? Or that we need to change things about ourselves so we can be more like "that person"?
Today after I had looked at a few blogs that I enjoy reading, I felt the need to apologize to my husband. Why? I told my husband, "I'm really sorry I'm not that good of a homemaker." You know what his reply to me was? "You need to stop looking at those stupid blogs, you're giving yourself a complex. You are perfect. I like you just the way you are."
So why did those nice things he said to me not change the way I felt? I guess because, I'm human. Because I don't feel that I'm perfect and should be better, and be more like all these other people who seem to have it all together. Key word there, SEEM. Maybe they do have it all together, I don't know.
I just know that my husband was right. Why should I allow someone else, and their life to make me feel inferior? I shouldn't, and neither should anyone else. I am not perfect, but my children and my husband love me just the way I am. They do not care if my desk has a thousand papers scattered across it, or if my kitchen cabinets are in perfect order or not. And they simply do not care if I have every minute of everyday scheduled out. Actually, I'm pretty sure they are thankful I don't have every minute assigned to something.
As I was contemplating about all of this earlier, I decided to read my devotional for the day. Much to my amazement the first line of my devotional "The Confident Woman" was; "Celebrate the fact that you are not like everyone else! You are special! You are unique!" How perfect this was for me to read! It was exactly what I needed to hear. She proceeds to say, "Our worth is not found in being different or the same as others, it is found in God."
I am so thankful that I read that today! Do I feel completely better about myself? Not entirely, but it sure is a good start! I just needed the reminder that even God doesn't want me to compare myself to others. I hope that anyone reading this that may feel the same way that I do, feels a little better now. I'm tired of making myself feel so low because I'm not like "that person". What's the point? God, my husband and children, love me just the way I am. So that in itself is all I need! :)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Whew. What a day!
This is my first post ever! I'm going to first start off by telling you a little about my typical day. I'm a stay at home mom to 2 year old twin girls. They are the light of my life, and the most mischievous little boogers I have ever met!
Just this morning, as I was sitting at the computer, Miss Taylor scooted her rocking chair into the kitchen. She often does this so I didn't think to much about it at the moment. I look into the kitchen to see what she is doing, and I didn't see her. So I walk into the kitchen and catch her red handed! She scooted her chair up to the counter to get the M&M's that were up there. I approached her and she had just laid her head down trying to act like she wasn't up to anything. Hahaha! Mom knows better! Needless to say she didn't get any M&M's at 9am! She wasn't to happy about that either.
Approximately 30 minutes later I come out of the bathroom to find that they have drawn all over the refrigerator with a permanent marker and a highlighter. Really? The refrigerator? At least it wasn't my kitchen cabinets!!! Thankfully, I grabbed the windex bottle and it took the marks right off. Whew. So glad that's over.
Yeah, right. That was just 30 minutes of them being awake. After I had showered, they had snuck into my bedroom, and I walk in on them eating lotion and rubbing Vicks in their hair. They have now been awake 2 hours and we are just 1 time out in. I'm not sure what has gotten into them today, but oh boy, I think it's going to be a LONG day! Maybe I'll update later...
Just this morning, as I was sitting at the computer, Miss Taylor scooted her rocking chair into the kitchen. She often does this so I didn't think to much about it at the moment. I look into the kitchen to see what she is doing, and I didn't see her. So I walk into the kitchen and catch her red handed! She scooted her chair up to the counter to get the M&M's that were up there. I approached her and she had just laid her head down trying to act like she wasn't up to anything. Hahaha! Mom knows better! Needless to say she didn't get any M&M's at 9am! She wasn't to happy about that either.
Approximately 30 minutes later I come out of the bathroom to find that they have drawn all over the refrigerator with a permanent marker and a highlighter. Really? The refrigerator? At least it wasn't my kitchen cabinets!!! Thankfully, I grabbed the windex bottle and it took the marks right off. Whew. So glad that's over.
Yeah, right. That was just 30 minutes of them being awake. After I had showered, they had snuck into my bedroom, and I walk in on them eating lotion and rubbing Vicks in their hair. They have now been awake 2 hours and we are just 1 time out in. I'm not sure what has gotten into them today, but oh boy, I think it's going to be a LONG day! Maybe I'll update later...
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