Thank You

 

This was me this morning during worship at church. The tears were running down my face. I was wiping them away with my eyes closed, trying to hide them. 

The baby reaches up and lays a big fat wet kiss on my lips. My eyes open and I smile. I know she wants her pacifier so I reach for it and I give it to her. Then she wants her blankie so she can lay her head down on my shoulder. Once she's settled, I close my eyes and raise my hand to finish worshipping. 

Someone lays their hand on my shoulder and starts speaking life into my ear. She says she seen God through me as I received my kiss and tended to the baby. Giving her just what she needed without her even needing to ask.  Isn't that what God does for us too?

I'm not even sure of everything else she said because the tears just poured out of my eyes. She said "you are doing a great job, you are so beautiful."

I think she was wrong, I seen God through her words. What amazing encouragement for a mama who is just going through the motions. God used her to speak to me.

I want people to see God through me. I don't want to just be another person who is just lukewarm. I want to be on fire. I've spent many years being lukewarm. That's over. God has grabbed ahold of me, and I've let Him. That was a real struggle for me. 

That part of me is over. I find comfort in knowing that I am so far from where I used to be. Those other people who are on fire for God, the ones I want to be like, they had to get there. They didn't just start there. And neither did I. 

So as the tears were flowing during worship and my hand was raised and my eyes were closed, all I could do was say, "Thank You God for not giving up on me." He loves me, and I know that. 

I leave you with the words of a song that has completely impacted me the last week and a half, since I first heard the song. 

A Little Closer by Group 1 Crew

 Play sample

IF YOU OPENED MY HEART
YOU'D SEE I DON'T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER
IF YOU TOOK ME APART
YOU'D SEE THE WORST OF ME WANTS TO GET BETTER
BUT YOU'RE CHANGING ME, PIECE BY PIECE
INTO WHO YOU'RE REALLY CALLIN ME TO BE

CHORUS
THERE'S A BEAUTY AND BEAST INSIDE OF ME
WHO I AM FIGHTING WHO I WANNA BE
BUT THROUGH THE RISE AND FALLS
THE ROLLER COASTER 
I, I, I GET A LITTLE CLOSER
LIKE A CHILD WALKING IN THEIR FATHER'S SHOES
I JUST WANNA LOOK A LITTLE MORE LIKE YOU
EVERYDAY'S ANOTHER STEP FORWARD
I, I GET A LITTLE CLOSER

I, I GET A LITTLE CLOSER (X2) 

LORD, I KNOW THAT IT'S TRUE
YOU'RE GONNA FINISH THIS WORK YOU STARTED
EVEN WHEN I DON'T KNOW AND IT'S MOVING SO SLOW
EVEN WHEN I FEEL NOTHING BUT BROKEN HEARTED
BUT YOU'RE CHANGING ME, PIECE BY PIECE
INTO WHO I KNOW THAT I AM GONNA TO BE 

CHORUS

I, I GET A LITTLE CLOSER (X4) 

ALL MY DAYS
EVERY BREATH I TAKE
WON'T YOU MAKE ME, SHAPE ME, INTO WHO YOU ARE

CHORUS

I, I GET A LITTLE CLOSER (X8) 


Writer(s) MANWELL REYES / JUSTIN EBACH / JEFF PARDO

I am selfish

This post may be a complete jumble of thoughts, but I had to get them out, so I decided this would be the place to do it. So bare with me as you read. This is just how my mind works! It's going so many different directions right now. After all this blog is called Ramblings of a Redheaded Mama. ;)

 

I am selfish. 

Lately my mind has been so busy. God has really been laying it on my heart that I'm selfish. I'm not talking selfish like it's all about me, but selfish with my kids, my family, all the things that I have. 

This is something I can't really even put into words. I'm so confused about it. There is a family that I do not personally know, but I seen the mother on Instagram, and I was intrigued. They have four children, two of them were born with a genetic disorder. The little girl had brain damage and I'm not sure about the little boy. 

This family decided that it was time to let them go when God decided it was their time, instead of keeping them alive. I was just blown away. How selfless these people are. Could I make the same decision? The little girl died last week, at age 2, and I wept with the news. My heart broke for this family. I could not imagine. 

Most of you don't know, but my 2 year old cousin was killed a week after his birthday in a horrible accident. He ran after his daddy because he wanted to ride in the truck with him, and his daddy didn't see him. He was ran over by the truck. It was such a traumatic thing. 

I know that God never promised us a life without pain, He promised that he would guide us through the storm.  But it's still hard. 

When my husband goes out of town, God likes to use that time to lay things on my heart. Last night as I was thinking about this family that I do not know, I was looking at the pictures of their little girl, and I just mourned with them. I laid in bed and cried for almost an hour. I was so sad for them, but at the same time I was happy this little girl is now running around in Heaven living the most amazing life. Something she couldn't do here. 

But I felt selfish. I get so frustrated with my kids sometimes because they don't listen, or they aren't obeying, blah blah blah. All that stuff that we have to deal with on a daily basis when raising children. It all seems to get in the way of enjoying the little things. Enjoying them. They're only little so long. 

I take things for granted, like watching the baby chase after the cat, and laugh her head off the whole time. Teaching the kids how to read.  There are people out there who would want nothing more than to get to do these things and here I am, so caught up with the everyday stuff that I just need to say, hey, chill and let the other stuff go. 

I'm pretty hard on myself and I've been working on that over the years. I've gotten a lot better, and I'm thankful for that, but I still have a long ways to go. 

So maybe I am selfish, maybe I'm not. I don't really know, but at this time in my life I feel selfish.  Or maybe it's guilty. Guilty that I have what I have while others don't. Either way, I'm just asking God to help me through all of this. Help me to see what He wants me to see. 

I got a new book and I'm VERY excited about it. I'm hoping this is the book that I have been praying for. The one that will continue to get me where He is wanting me to go. I'm planning on blogging about it here, once a week, at least. 

If you'd like to join in on the discussion, here is the book! There are questions to answer after each chapter. 

How Many Toys Should a Child Have?

It seems we have had rain every other day for the last two weeks. This has made it to where the kids are cooped up inside, once again. We need sunshine! The kids need to go play. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly thankful for the rain, we really needed it, it would just be awesome if it was spaced out a little more than this. Anyways, that's not what this post is about. 

Since my kids have been cooped up in the house it has come to my attention that the playroom that we spent time cleaning last week, has gone untouched. They have been spending time in their room, making it a disaster with books, blankets, stuffed animals, and building tents with their chairs that we brought up from the playroom. 

This has led me to the realization that they clearly have too much stuff. Those toys and games sitting in the playroom taking up space don't have any value to them. If they were of importance to them, wouldn't you think they would go play with them? Perhaps it's because they're in the basement? There is no door closing them off from the rest of the house though. They just haven't wanted to go downstairs and play. 

I've really been contemplating how I'm going to do this purge. What's important to keep? We did a purge in January this year and it was so wonderful, but there is still too much stuff inside this house. 

I want to teach my kids that they don't need a bunch of stuff to make them happy. I want to teach them to take better care of their belongings, something they don't do at all right now. 

They are good kids, but I want to help them grow to be amazing respectful women. My mom is constantly reminding me that they're just kids, and all kids make messes. I have two tornadoes. Things have gotten better, but I truly believe that when kids have too many things they can't take care of them all, or put them where they belong. It's overwhelming for them. 

How much stuff does your child/ren have? I have to get a good feel for what is a good maximum. We are on the road to more simplifying, it just takes a lot of time and sometimes the realization that our kids and ourselves have too much stuff just doesn't sink in right away. 

Share your ideas and wisdom in the comments below. I love all the advice I can get! 

A Little Love and Logic Testing

It's been a little rough here on the home front today. Those who have preconceived notions that a stay at home mom has it easy, or doesn't do anything all day, is completely and utterly wrong. This is by far the hardest job I've ever done.

I'm playing a huge factor in how these little humans will be in years to come, and sometimes I make huge mistakes. Huge. At least that's how they feel to me. You know, when you lay in bed at night while your husband is snoring next to you, and you don't understand how he can fall asleep in the blink of an eye, and you're laying there thinking about all the things you did wrong that day, or didn't do for that matter. 

No? 

Anyways, this isn't a pity party. This is just the truth for me. 

Today started out hard. Like, can I take a nap already and it's only 9:30am?- type of morning. 

I had to do some disciplining to a certain child, and that didn't turn out to well. Fast forward, maybe, 2 1/2 hours. 

The twins were in their room and they started arguing over whose jewelry box was whose. You know, important things. 

Taylor got upset because she said Mackenzie had hers, and I told her that she didn't. So this started in to her crying, again, because she didn't like that one.  I was starting to get annoyed by the crying, again. How much can one child cry in one day? Sheesh. 

I was sitting there trying to be rational with her and there came the attitude. 

Then it hit me! Love & Logic! I had been reading the book just yesterday and read some really good stuff. So I decided to give it a try right then. 

I followed Taylor to the hallway, where she proceeded with her crying fit. I said, "Oh Taylor, you really drain my energy when you act this way.  How are you going to put it back?" She said, "I don't know." through her tears.

I gave her some choices. She chose to vacuum. Score for mommy! I helped her get started. She was really happy to do the vacuuming for me. She vacuumed for awhile and said, "I'm done." I told her, "oh, my energy isn't quite back just yet, maybe you should do this rug too. That will help." 

Now this totally felt like manipulation to me, but I did exactly like the book said  to do. After a little bit longer and she had completed the task, I told her, "Oh Taylor, all my energy is back now! You did such a good job, thank you!" She had the biggest smile on her face and we hugged and that was that. 

Now I wasn't really sure if this "energy drain technique" really worked or not, since she seemed so happy to do the vacuuming for me. 

A little while later, after many many times of me asking her to make her bed, she still wasn't doing it. I then said, "Oh Taylor, your draining my energy." She immediately gasped, and ran to make her bed! I couldn't believe it!! 

I didn't have to raise my voice, or give her "the look", nothing. She's been her normal sweet little self since then! Shocking. Really it is. This may not be something that works every time, but you better believe I'm going to keep trying it. 

Not only did it actually stick with her for longer than 2 minutes. She enjoyed it, and I didn't have to get angry, or ask 7 times, which is what really makes me angry. 

So do I still feel like it was maybe a little manipulating going on? I'm not really sure. Was it better than a spanking? Oh yeah, definitely. 

Has anyone else tried this Love & Logic? If so, please share with me in the comments! I would love to hear what you have tried. 

A few tips to help your day run smoother

3 kids is no walk in the park with a cool breeze blowing...especially with two 5 year old tornados like I have. 

I am certainly not one to give advice on how to maintain your home, but one of my goals for the new year has been to keep my house more "picked up" or "tidy", whatever your fancy is. 

During the day though, when the kids are having lots of fun playing and well, just being kids, things are far from perfect, and I'm really ok with that. We try to keep the things that they drag out to a minimum, and clean up when we are done with things. This is a work and progress for all of us. 

 A couple of weeks ago, we did a huge clean out of the playroom. We eliminated so much stuff that they just didn't need, nor did they love anymore. It was a great feeling. Such a great feeling that I really cannot wait for spring to get here so I can have a humongous garage sale. I fully intend on getting rid of anything that we haven't used since we moved into this house in November 2011. But that's an entirely different post in itself. 

Today I wanted to share a few things that I have been doing that seem to be helping things flow a little better. 

1. Putting all my clean dishes away, right after I'm through washing them!

I have never ever done this, and I find that it has made a huge difference in the way my kitchen looks. 

We have an open floor plan, so if my kitchen is/looks messy, then it makes the rest of my house feel messy, even when it's not. It takes me about 3 extra minutes a night to do this, and I think it's 3 minutes well served. 

2. Pick up the living room before the kids go to bed. 

If we have been consistent throughout the day with not dragging out more than we need, then this part doesn't take us very long. I have the twins take all of their stuff to their bedroom, it may not get put away at that moment, but we are taking baby steps here. 😉 

They also help clean up Carly's toys. I have always been the one to clean up everything, but I feel that they are 5 years old now, and it's time for me to start making it a must, instead of a fight. 

I tell them Mommy is not a maid, and that  it's not fair for them to expect me to clean up after them for everything. The best part about this, is 96% of the time they enjoy helping me. It is a way for me to make them feel important and needed. They love being mommy's big helper. 

3. Making sure the kitchen table is clear after dinner! 

This is pretty explanatory, but it makes it nice to come out to a noncluttered table in the morning for breakfast. 

4. Shoes are taken to the closet as soon as we get home. 

After many, many, and I cannot express the MANY times I have searched for the missing 4th shoe, I have finally got the girls to take their shoes to their closet when we get home. I generally have to ask them once, and sometimes I get one child who listens, and the other needs another reminder, but it has helped so much. Less clutter sitting around our house, and the majority of the time, I do not have to search for a shoe outside of their bedroom! SCORE!! 

I know these sound minimal to some of you, and I'm sure for many of you, this is nothing new , but for me, it has been very helpful. Having two children the same age, and then having a baby, hasn't been the easiest thing for me to adjust to. 

So I'm taking baby steps here. I can't change everything overnight, so it's one step at a time. For now, I'm pleased with the change these little things are making in our day to day lives. 

I hope some of these ideas where helpful to you! I would love if you shared some of your helpful ideas! 

Boom...

Our new year started out with a boom. A big boom. And not a good one. 

11:30 pm. January 2nd, vomit covered the floor. Sheets. Pillows. Blankets. Child #1 had the tummy bug, again, for the 3rd time in 10 months. Joy. 

That was a long night. Puke and a day full of a fever later, she was finally better. 

Fast forward 4 days. The baby woke up for the second time that night. 3:30 am, I had just fed her and hour and a half before that. Surely she could not be hungry AGAIN!? She screams and cries. Nothing is comforting her, and then I hear the sound. Puke, coming from the other room. I open the door, with #3 on my hip, and I witness #2, puking in her just-in-case-bowl, "mama, I threw up." "Yeah baby, I can see that." 

To the bathroom we go. I hold her hair back while she gets sick, all while holding the baby on my hip. Not something I ever imagined doing, but hey, a moms job is truly never over. I gave the baby to her daddy, and she screamed and cried. Only mama would do. I got #2 cleaned up and rinsed her bowl and put her back to bed. I fed the baby, again, and she finally fell asleep. 

That sweet child had caught it bad. Hers lasted 2 days. Lots and lots of puke, and diarrhea, and a fever as well. Yesterday she finally felt normal and could keep food and water down. Hooray! I see the light, the tiny light at the end of the tunnel. 

I cleaned the bathrooms, did laundry, and a million other chores. We all felt great. We had an amazing nights sleep, something I hadn't had in quite awhile. 

Child #1 woke me up at about 1:30am. I laid with her for a few minutes, and then went back to bed. I had "hot flashes" all night, so I thought maybe I was getting sick. 

6:50am, the baby wakes up crying. That tiny light at the end of the tunnel--it had burned out.  I knew I wasn't feeling too hot, and kept praying I wouldn't get sick until I nursed the baby. Halfway through, there was no time for more, I had to get her in bed fast so I could run to the bathroom. Oh my gosh. It was horrible. She screamed the entire time! How dare I take her boob away!! How selfish of me. 

I called my husband while she finished nursing. He called in help from his mom. I manned the fort for 3 hours before she got here. It was not easy. Every little move made me nauseous. Finally I got the baby down for a nap, and went to my bed. The twins are old enough to keep themselves occupied without my supervision. 

They have come in to "check on me" every 10 minutes it seems like {and that's a big exaggeration, it's more like every 3 minutes, but I'm lucky they love me so much}. 

Fortunately, as of right now, the vomiting was only a one time deal. I'm praying it stays that way, but I'm still making trips to the bathroom about every 10-20 minutes. 

My main concern is Carly getting this nasty junk, and my milk supply. I'm not able to eat anything, and my fluid intake is considerably low compared to normal. 

We had been using thieves oil, but that didn't seem to protect the rest of us from getting this. I plan on difussing the oil, once I get my Grandmas difusser from her. 

Do you have suggestions for keeping my milk supply up while sick? This is certainly not any fun. 

{I also just locked the door, so maybe, just maybe, I can be left alone for a little bit.} Ha! That's doubtful. They'll be beating on the door crying in just a bit. 

The joys of motherhood.